Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We need to get me chipped asap
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
