he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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