Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
