don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
