my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
