The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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