did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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