she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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