I want to make a zoo with you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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