So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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