I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
