My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
