dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
