he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
