You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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