Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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