I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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