Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
