Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
even my farts smell like vagina
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
