After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
