Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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