its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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