so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
