Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
