I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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