i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
