explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
