If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
