That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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