The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
