Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
