Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
