matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
there is puke in my bra ... again
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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