she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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