So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
