I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
