I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
