I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
