you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We had to coat check the pizza.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
