I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
