So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
