Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
