Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
