I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
