"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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