The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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