it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
