I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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