your room smells of hookers.
And success
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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