I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
