Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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