he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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