Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
