dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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