He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
